|the only time i feel pain, is in the sunshine and in the rain
||[Apr. 2nd, 2004|12:22 am]
|||||adam ant- wonderful||]|
at janina's request, i have to update about yesterday as well as today. lol. okay so lets start with yesterday.
i had an eye doctor's appt. at 10am and when i went into work more than 4hrs later my eyes were still dialated a lot so i could barely see my computer screen at work. it was really difficult to see things up close so i asked if i could leave for the day and i got the go ahead. so yep, i worked for about 15mins or something like that because i was running late too. lol. so yep, i went home and chilled out. later later i went out. i still couldn't see that much but i was like fuck it, i can still drink. lol. janina picked me up and we headed over to tgifridays. i had an ultimate junebug and two gin and tonics. yesterday after i tasted janina's gin and tonic i totally wanted a bunch. hehe. we left there and smoked then went to half price books. i bought a couple of old spin mags as well as some film mags. i bought rem's monster and an oasis cd. we left there and smoked and smoked and then met up with my gal pal (hehe) sarah and her buds at aloha (a strip club in case you didn't know). i think i saw my one of brothers best friends. lol. it was fun. janina was laughing a lot! it was silly. hehe. i had a couple of drinks but decided to wait til we got to the next place cos they had cheaper drinks. janina left and then we left about 20mins later to omalleys. they had $1 drinks so i had three gin and tonics there. we didn't stay that long then went to buffalo wildwings and i had a margarita and a half. they were both $1 too so i was all happy. lol. they didn't card me there. we got some food then left sometime after 2am. sarah brought me home and we "hung out" in my room for a while. i don't remember what time she left. it was nice. hehe.
so yes...we're on today finally. lol.
today i woke up and sarah came over. we layed in bed for about an hour. it was nice. i finally got up and i straightened my hair while sarah took a cat nap. she left then i went to work. late of course! there is soo much construction in this city right now that its getting a little ridiculous! i'm serious! lol. so yep...work was going fine. not too shabby then it happened. let me set this up...i sit next to my supervisor at work (cos she fucking rocks!) and behind us is her supervisor's office. her boss was there pretty much all day. at this time my boss was at her desk. so yep, i'm taking a call and this lady is like sooo not hearing me or understanding me so i raised my voice to see if maybe she just couldn't hear me right. and of course, like a lot of calls i take EVERYDAY, i had to repeat myself about 6 times and my boss's boss yells from her office "GINA!" and it freaked me out. i got off the call pretty soon after that and my boss was standing next to me already and she didn't get mad at me but was just telling me that i have to not raise my voice, i guess cos they both just figured i was yelling at the customer and stuff like that. i kept my cool then right as she was done talking to me i started crying. i told her that i would be right back and she could tell i was crying. i went to the restroom and hung out in there for about 30mins. it was retarded. i was sitting there and i just started thinking about how much of failure i am, how stupid i am for not finnishing college, how i'm late to work all the fucking time, how i don't have a car or a license and i'm already fucking 22, that i was gonna get fired, feeling embarrassed that i got yelled at, wanting to disappear, wanting to kill myself to get this all over with...etc. i wasn't going to talk to anybody but i decided to text message janina...i guess just to share what i was going through. i wrote something like i needed to die already to get this all over with and something else, i forgot. i was so embarrased, i was all thinking that when i went back to my seat i'd move reallly far from my usual seat and just try to be as quiet as possible. while i was sitting there, my boss came in to use the rr and she started talking to me after she was done. she said she was mad that her boss yelled at me like that, that she shouldn't have done that. and i was just crying. i told her about the call, my side of all that, and she understood. she felt really bad, i think she was crying too. aww. she is so awesome. she has a brain tumor and a cyst on her brain and she's just always so pleasant and super all the time. she is the best. i told her i was embarrased and that i was just thinking of stupid stuff and being all stupid but that i was okay. when i finally left the rr i went to my seat, got all my stuff and moved down three seats just so i could be out of sight from my boss's boss. i was about to log back in then this semi-supervisor came by and was all concerned. i started crying again. lol. i had just pulled myself together too. lol. she was trying to make me laugh. she is the best. she told me about something embarrasing that happened to her today so that made me feel better too, knowing that she didn't get all discouraged and she kept on trucking. when i started taking calls i was talking in a low voice, didn't raise my voice at all and was being a little emo still. i got moved to another product so i was relieved that i got to move from that spot. i love everybody that works in that other product so of course i felt the love when i moved over there. it was nice. at the end of the night i was telling my boss i had a huge headache from crying and she said she did too. she was telling me she thought her boss was out of line because it was her job and not her boss's to tell me that. i told her that when i go into work tomorrow i might not be sitting by her. i told her i love sitting by her but i still felt embarrassed. she said ok. so yep, i came home and its late! i have a doctor's appt tomorrow at 10am. it sucks. i totally forgot about it until an hour ago! i have to shave my legs....but i'm thinking maybe i don't have to. haha! thats pretty gross. lol. i'll probably go do that then crash the fuck out. i'm so fucking tired and i still have this headache! grrr! i even took some extra strength tylenol but it hasn't fully gone away yet. well...sorry for making this a long entry but i just wanted to get it off my chest. take care all. adios!